Monday, 10 November 2008

Last night I could not sleep and I had some flashbacks about the day Dounya was born and the day after, the day that we heard something was wrong with her heart.

The birth itself is still a bit of a blur but I remember it did not take her long to say hello to the world..2 pushes and there she was. First I saw her wee head full of black hair and the moment she lay on my tummy I fell in love with her. She was absolutely beautiful!!!! I remember that the midwives couldn't finish whatever they were doing after the birth because I kept telling them to leave it alone I wanted just to hold my little girl! I was so happy..there she was ..finally. Up the ward I was like every mum...sore but oh so proud and I could not bear to leave her alone in her little crib I had to take her next to me every time I got the chance. But within 24 hours my happiness turned into despair when they told me there might be something wrong with her heart.And then the ''might'' turned into there IS something wrong..
My head was spinning '' ...her heart??? O my god.. that is the most important organ in a serious??life threatening??Does she need surgery??What will happen to her??Will she be OK?? will I loose her??Please god no!!HOW??WHY???''

There I was lying on the ward, the curtains closed, holding my perfect little girl and I don't know how many tears I have shed.
I felt so lost and alone.....
It could be years ago but it is just 3 months.
And it seems like we have landed in a roller coaster so much has been happening since that
For myself I like to avoid doctors and hospitals and even innocent painkillers I rarely take. In these 3 months I have seen more medical staff than I have seen in my whole life and that is 36 years! But I happily will run 1000 times or more to whatever it is she needs (and back again )as long as she will be alright!

I think right now of all the beautiful children who lost the battle with their CHD...their families ....and I say a prayer for all of them silently.

fly high little will never be forgotten!

I light a candle in your memory...

I hope everyone who read my blog will join me and light a candle.

No comments: